CLAIRE’S CHALLENGE: Taking a massive leap of faith
While I catch up on the backlog of practice readings, I thought this week I would fill you in on some huge changes that have happened to me this month.
It is really weird – although I have always had little thoughts in the back of my mind (well really, I think it was my ‘gut’/intuition speaking), I have tended to ignore them (as we all do). In the past, I’ve dismissed this little voice, and thought: “You’re crazy… that is a huge risk.” Well… something has shifted in me and I have taken one of the biggest leaps of faith.
I think I can attribute this risk-taking to The Little Sage challenges. It might sound corny, but it’s true. Through learning to emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually clean out, in addition to tuning out the negative speak and following my intuition, I was able to block out my head ‘talk’. My head is generally pretty negative: “But then you won’t be able to do X…” or “You are making a mistake…”. Instead, ignoring my head has allowed me to listen to my intuition, which is always positive: “Go with it… you always fall on your feet… how exciting…”
On 1.11.11 – my birthday – all the changes came to fruition. As Helen has mentioned in one of her blog posts, this date is seen as one of manifestation (through positive thinking) and clearing out. And that is exactly what I did. I decided to stick to my guns and actually listen to what my gut was telling me….
I quit my job and moved back home.
The reason being, I have never really felt settled when it came to my career. I have always been very creative – drawing, styling/shopping for friends and family, drawn to the arts (galleries, theatre, and concerts) and everything around me reflected this. I LOVE clothes and design (it’s more than just buying them – every spare chance I have I am literally reading fashion and design blogs on my iPhone), I watch every TV show I can that revolves around design, fashion, any creative industry - and I probably single-handedly keep book stores in action what with my fashion, design and art collection. So why did I ignore this?
Probably because when I left school, I looked around at my family and friends and saw they all had/were going to have brilliant careers and I didn’t want to be the schlep who didn’t go to uni. I have always been told I could be anything, I always did well at school and so I thought I better go to uni and get a degree so I can be a professional and earn a lot of money.
So I went to uni – I enrolled in Environmental Science. Hated it. I moved to Biomedical Science. Hated it. I moved to Medical Science. Hated it. I picked up a dual in marketing. Close, but no cigar. I then moved to Natural Medicine (I actually enjoyed this very much, but I never attended and had no motivation). After almost 7 years at uni, I had no degree but a massive HECS debt to boot. But I guess it’s all a learning curve, right?
So why wasn’t I reading the signs or listening to my intuition that this wasn’t me and I needed to take some time out? Believe me. I thought about it. I actually had a heart to heart with my best friend’s dad who is an extraordinary business man and knows me very well. Even he said take time out. But I kept going. Thinking I better get that degree. I better become a ‘professional’ like everyone else.
Finally, I took time out – but to begin full-time work. As I always do, I fell on my feet and landed in an excellent job where I was able to travel, I had great co-workers and was very well remunerated. But something still wasn’t right….
I felt very unfulfilled, very bored, very unsettled and very unhappy. I knew that I was the only one who could actively change my future and rather than keep going down this path, I decided now is the time to do something about it.
After much toing and froing I walked into my manager’s office and handed in my resignation. I was very determined this is what I was doing, and after many meetings (read: attempt to change my mind) with management and HR and sticking to my guns, this was it – I was leaving to follow my dream!
I can honestly say it is the best feeling I have ever felt. I could literally feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I was smiling, properly smiling for the first time in a long time. I was walking around work singing, laughing, joking – they hadn’t really seen this side of me (as intensely) before!
However, I had to and still have to deal with people saying: “Oh my god, you are crazy! Why would you give up such a good job?? Silly girl!” So that has been tough. It is actually very frustrating to have to tell people I am doing this because I have control over my happiness and my future and in my heart of hearts I know things will work out. It’s easy to say now… but it’s so easy to own your happiness.
Once you take the leap away from the negative it opens the floodgates for the positive to arrive. Admittedly, I don’t have a mortgage, no dependents, nothing holding me down but I really believe if it’s meant to be, the Universe will do what it needs to do to make you happy and fulfilled.
I don’t have another job to go to. It’s scary but also so exhilarating. For the rest of 2011 I will continue to clear out (this post is very cathartic actually) in addition to setting up my own website/blog where I can be self-indulgent and ignite my passions – fashion, design, cooking, drawing etc. I am so excited for this stage; however I will admit, I am a bit nervous about next year. I still don’t know exactly what I want to do – although I know 9-5 isn’t me. I need to be immersed in activities that will have my right brain fulfilled!
I know deep down (I just have a ‘feeling’) I will be fine. I might need to start out doing a job with less pay, or less perks than what I had – but I know if it leads to a greater role down the track I will do it. What is confusing (and somewhat frightening) is that to get into the arena I want to its very competitive, not very huge in Brisbane and you need a lot of experience… so this is scary but I know it will work out. I just don’t know where to start?! Any ideas?
Interestingly, I was reading over my automatic writing the other night and I have so many entries saying:
“Turn off your head, listen to your intuition – you know what you have to do! Do it!”
“Take the leap and we will catch you.” (I especially liked this one)
“You have no idea what is in store for you – it’s better than you can ever imagine. Take the leap, listen to your intuition!”
“We are always with you, and with you now more than ever. Let go. Be free.”
“ You need to look at your friend Sarah. She took a leap and the world will be her oyster.” – I like this one too, as one of my friends had a wonderful career but also knew it wasn’t exactly her. She quit her amazing job and moved overseas by herself to study a new course. I know she will do so well!
This post is just to update you on my progress, but I hope it also gives you confidence and peace of mind to follow your dream and ultimately you’re own intuition, no matter what it is telling you to do.
What gives me confidence and peace of mind is that on my last day of work, I received a text message from Helen saying “This exact day 3 years ago, I finished up at my job at the PR agency that paid well, had great perks and awesome travel to follow my intuition – exactly like you. And look where I am now!”It’s a funny coincidence (although, Helen tells me she doesn’t believe in coincidences) that gives me optimism that I will be just fine.